Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
