Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
