Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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