id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
