Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
