I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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