this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
