The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
