great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
