I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
