So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
