Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
