I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
