Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
