hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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