I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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