i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize