been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
