my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
