I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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