yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
