My liver just broke up with me...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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