I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
