I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have already put on my inside pants.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
