I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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