Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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