I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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