U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
