we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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