Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
