we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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