she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
