We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
