His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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