dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
