You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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