my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
