i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize