I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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