Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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