Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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