It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
