The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
