Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
