it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
