If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
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There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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