All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
