You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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