Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
