dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
