i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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