There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
