Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
