so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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