I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
