It's like God shit irony all over that family
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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