i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
