The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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