you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
