i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
