when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
