Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
