HIV tests are more positive than that guy
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
