My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
