the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
