I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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