apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
