You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
