therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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