it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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