my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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