And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
