Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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