dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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