Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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