Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
