I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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