My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
