Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
