Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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